What Not To Say To A New Mom

Over the course of the last 6 months (and before that even) I have been asked quite a few questions that probably shouldn't have been asked.  All were meant well, but for some reason still bothered me a little bit.  Honestly, I have probably asked these questions to one mom or another!  If you know someone who is expecting, do her a favor and keep these questions to yourself.

1.  Are you excited?

     I got this one A LOT when I was pregnant.  What a loaded question.  Like, what if I said, "Actually, no.  I'm not excited."  Maybe it was always meant to be rhetorical given that there's clearly only one answer.

2.  How are you feeling?

     I can't even count how many times I got asked this when I was pregnant.  Most people wouldn't find this annoying, so don't feel like you can never ask this question!  The first time a person would ask was fine, but sometimes the same people would ask me every time I saw them.  It took everything in me to not respond with, "Same as the last time you asked." or "Fine. How are YOU feeling?"  Justin never understood my annoyance with this question.  He would be like "Yeah...how dare they care about how you're feeling!"  Maybe it was just pregnancy hormones.    

3.  Are you breastfeeding?  

    This question is innocent enough I guess.  I felt like had I said no, I would have gotten more questions as to why not.  My favorite is when people gesture to their breasts when they ask...like I need clarification.  I would steer clear of this question unless you are close with the person, otherwise, it's not really any of your business.

3.  Are you getting any sleep?  

    Listen.  Are you listening?  I mean like stop every other thought in its tracks and listen to me real hard.  Don't you DARE ask a new mother this question.  Especially in the first few weeks.  You know the answer.  Now, if you are genuinely concerned about the mother's well-being, try saying something like, "I would be more than happy to come over and hold the baby any time so you can take a nap."  None of this smug "you look tired" nonsense I got way too many times.  

5.  Is he/she a good baby?

    I'm not quite sure what you mean by "good baby".  Are you asking if she never cries?  Does she fall asleep the second I lay her down?  Does she keep her milk down and not projectile spit-up all over me?  If those are the makings of a good baby, then no.  She's the worst.  

6.  Are you just obsessed with him/her?

     If you read my previous post about the hard things nobody told me, then you understand why this was such a tough question for me to answer.  At the time, not many people knew how I was struggling to bond with my daughter.  They didn't know that I wanted to say no but instead put on a happy face and told them that I was, indeed, quite obsessed.  After my experience, I will never again assume that any mother is immediately obsessed with their child.  

7.  So...when's the next one?

     Even if this is meant as a joke, it's hardly funny.  After pushing out a person from my nether regions, the last thing on my mind was doing it all over again anytime soon.

8.  Is this [insert baby's name]?
     Nope.  I found this one.  My child is at home.  Let's use a little common sense, people. 

If you're reading this and you think Dang it.....I asked her that.  Please don't feel bad!  I know you meant well.

What's the craziest thing someone has said to you when you were pregnant or first starting out as a parent?