On Private School

From Pre-K until I graduated high school, I went to a private Christian school.  I can't say if I enjoyed it or not, as it was all I ever knew and had nothing to compare it to.  I can, however, say that it definitely had its pros and cons.  For example, in a public school, I don't think I would have been able to play all the sports that I did, and I certainly wouldn't have been elected Homecoming Queen.  I most likely wouldn't have had as many teachers who placed their faith as the main priority in their classrooms.  I wouldn't have had the opportunity to be taught the Bible as part of the main curriculum each year.  Let's zero in on that last one.  As much as I admire the idea behind a Bible-centered curriculum, it ended up not being such a great thing.  I vividly remember my frantic attempts to memorize entire chapters of the Bible that I would be tested on, in the same way I would cram for a Biology exam.  I would write in my daily devotional journal, editing how I really felt because I knew my teacher would be reading and grading it.  In elementary school, memorizing Scripture was more of a game.  Our grades were more participatory, in that we would have a new verse each week and on Fridays would recite the verse out loud together as a class.  Once we got to middle and high school, memorizing Bible verses became more rigorous.  Instead of reciting one new verse each week as a class, we would add on a few verses each week and every Friday would write it from memory.  In theory, I get it.  They wanted us to get in the habit of memorizing Scripture.  I understand the importance of this discipline, but in reality, all it did was create a negative association in my mind.  When the Bible is just another textbook for so long, it becomes a challenge to view it as something to be delighted in.  I have been out of high school for eight years, and it is still difficult for me to find joy in sitting and meditating on God's Word.  Writing in a prayer journal still holds memories of censoring my thoughts and feelings for fear I would write something that would only afford me a C.  Reading my Bible brings me back to scribbling verses onto scratch paper and shoving it into my desk for reference.  Yes, I occasionally cheated on my Bible memory tests.  Oh, the irony.  I also believe that being educated in such a bubble did me the disservice of viewing people who drank, smoked, and slept around as lesser than myself.  Every so often, a new student would come to our school who seemingly had been given the choice between a juvenile detention center or private school.  I believed these people were to be avoided at all costs.  That being said, I had no close contact with non-Christians until I went to college.  I feel like 12 years of my life were wasted stuffing myself with biblical knowledge and not putting any of it to use.  I could quote hundreds of verses, rap the books of the Bible, and give you any church answer that was appropriate for the situation, but none of that mattered.  I am thankful for my parents paying so much money for my sister and I to receive an education in an environment that honored God, but I think when it comes time for Justin and I to decide where Maggie will go to school, I think we will choose public.  I want her to crave to know Scripture, but not because she fears a failing grade.  I want her to hide God's Word in her heart, but not in a gluttonous way so as to not share it with those who need it most.  I want her to pour her heart out to the Lord in whatever way she wants, without feeling the need to censor herself.  Most importantly, I want her to be a light in the darkness, not just another candle in a blazing furnace.