Changes

KK

Before you start reading, I feel like I should warn you that this post is basically me vomiting my feelings on you.  So get ready.  Throughout the past week or so I have found myself growing out of the fairy tale idea that I am officially a "grownup".  While the idea is still cool, the reality is terrifying and uncomfortable.  I think the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done with my life up to this point has been moving a little over an hour away for college.  Even so, I was home more weekends than not.  I don't handle change very well.  I like routine and knowing what's going to happen.  I have always wished I could be one of those girls who is crazy and spontaneous, but let's face it, I'm just not.  Sometimes I feel like I'm borderline boring, nay, lame.  However, with people I'm comfortable around, that's a totally different story.  Those of you keeping up with this blog would probably fall in that category and are thinking, "Kristen, you shut your dirty mouth! You are the life of the party!" While usually I would have to agree, this week I have felt like anything but that.  The novelty of having a new grownup job, a house to take care of, moving to a new town, etc. has begun to wear off.  Thankfully, I have found nothing boring about the marriage part of this equation.  I am constantly amazed at how blessed I am by his love and leadership.  I understand it sounds like I have nothing to be complaining about, and realistically, I don't.  Nothing that is new to me right now is a bad thing.  But that's just it...it's new.  Very few things about my life right now are familiar to me.  I feel as if I have been ripped away from everything that's comfortable to me and put in a place where I have to basically start over.  I find myself craving familiarity.  The other day, I bought some bars of dove soap, because that's what I've been buying for years.  I opened one of the boxes when I got home and my response was probably unlike anyone else who has ever opened a box of soap.  I didn't cry or anything, but like eating Special K cereal in the morning, painting my toes on the couch, or even wearing my retainer, I have found that little things that are familiar to me have become special.  That also goes for spending time with Justin.  Being around him makes me feel like I'm home.  And not home as in Round Rock.  Home, as in that's where I'm supposed to be.  He has been so sweet and understanding through this huge transition for me.  I could not imagine going through it with anyone else.  And the Lord has been teaching me through everything I've been going through.  I have been resisting being joyful.  He is making me aware of the things I have to be thankful for.  I have complained about Target and Starbucks being nearly an hour away.  He is allowing us to save money.  I have missed having numerous friends to hang out with at any time.  He has reminded me that it is a blessing to be able to spend essentially all of my free time with Justin, and that someday when we have kids, we will so badly want to have the alone time that we now have plenty of.  This new way of life will undoubtedly be a process getting used to. But might as well embrace it and choose to be joyful instead of letting myself be miserable.  The change will keep happening whether I like it or not. I can find things to be thankful for, or complain about it.  

Thanks for reading! Now you may go get a towel to wipe off the emotions you are drenched in. Have a great rest of the week :)