Exciting news!

JK

Kristen and I have some VERY exciting news to tell you. We’ve already told a few important people that just had to know, but now we are ready to let everyone know that we are expecting our first child! In 5-7 years of course, but still, we are expecting that, in this time frame, we will hopefully have our first child.

One of the strangest things I’ve encountered since entering wedded bliss is the realization that, if we wanted (or if God wanted), we could be parents in less than a year. We’ve made the proper commitment before God, officially changed Kristen’s name, and now have the insurance to cover all the crazy things that happen in a woman’s body. So if we so desired, we could take the steps necessary to bring a baby into the world. None of the aforementioned things we have done in recent weeks are requirements to create life of course, but they are necessary steps to help making babies a bit easier, in addition to receiving God’s blessing with the whole “making vows” thing. All that to say if God so willed it, we could have a kid, which is an outrageous thought. However, even though the concept of us being parents at this point in our lives is absolutely ludicrous, it doesn’t mean we haven’t thought about it.

Our first child will be a boy and his name will be Bear. No superfluous middle name is needed with such a name, so he will simply be called Bear Kellough. Eventually, he may even drop the surname, much like our friends Oprah and Lil’ Jon. A moniker with such ferocity is sure to make our son’s life one for the history books, and we look forward to the bones he will crush in football and the diseases he will cure through the medical research he aggressively pursues with the same tenacity with which his namesake chases lost hikers.While other boys his age will be getting their learner’s permits, Bear will be trying out for the U.S. Olympic team. He will not make the team at first, not because he won’t be good enough, but because he will see the passion with which the older competitors have worked toward this honor, and he will choose to hold back at the last second, graciously waiting another 4 years before winning gold in the 400 meter freestyle swimming competition, the triple jump, and all around men’s gymnastics. He will not waste any time on the winter Olympics, understanding that competitions based on sliding down a hill strapped to wooden planks of various shapes and sizes is for lesser men.

His name will lead him to develop a mindset which does not take into consideration the possibility of failing, so he will excel at everything, especially winning souls for Christ. Billy Graham was pretty good at persuading people to follow Jesus, but Bear will so ferociously spread the Gospel that he will literally become the aroma of Christ; his peers will smell the musk of Salvation on his person and quickly submit their lives to the Lord without Bear having to speak a word. It will be quite impressive, but Bear’s greatness will be rivaled only by his humility, so he will quickly give all glory to God for any eternal victories that may be reaped. From birth he will understand that any success he has in life will be directly from the hand of God; we won’t have to teach him this truth, of course, but God will allow Kristen and I to tell him these things, so we feel like we were usedin some small way to create such an excellent human being.

Now, Kristen and I are fully aware that there’s no way we can plan all these things out. Even if God does decide to graciously give us a son, he may be small, timid, and have an unreasonable fascination with video games. In which case, we’ll give him the nickname Teddy.