The thief of joy

Today at the gym (I wish I could start more sentences that way) I kept finding myself looking over at the numbers on the treadmill next to me.  While I was huffing and puffing during what was a quick jog at best, the girl next to me was making her run look too easy.  How have we been on here the same amount of time, but I've only gone 1 mile and she's gone 3?!  I wondered, in my head of course.  These kinds of thoughts cross my mind far too often, and not only when I get stuck next to Ms. Olympiad at the gym.  I look at the lives of friends, and even people I don't know that well, and wonder what I'm doing wrong.  I didn't realize the impact this habit would have on my life until I moved to Virginia.  Upon moving, it hit me that I had never been in a situation where I literally knew no one.  I went to the same school 1st grade through 12th grade.  Even going off to college my best friend and a few other "friends" were there, too.  I made a few new friends whom I still love dearly, but for the most part I was pretty content just having casual acquaintances from school and work.  Moving to Gonzales was easier than I expected.  Justin had already been there for 2 years, so everyone loved him (from what I could tell) so they were ready to lovingly welcome me as well.  This experience has been in a completely different ballpark.  I have learned some very negative things about myself through it, or at least they have become magnified, at times even to the point where I have questioned my call to ministry.  So with the spotlight on these qualities, queue the comparison game.  Why can she walk into a room and charm everybody in there within minutes?  Why am I not good at praying out loud?  How come I can't think of encouraging words that quickly?  Why did I have to move 1500 miles away from my family and she didn't?  These are the things, among many others, that run through my head when I look at the lives of others with similar callings.  Call me crazy, but I don't think comparison is limited to ministers' wives comparing themselves to each other.  It's a problem that must be fought daily.  It is linked to envy.  We look at something someone else has and not only want it, but wonder why it wasn't ours to begin with.  I'm talking about anything from the number of likes on Instagram to someone else's thigh gap, both of which I'm guilty of envying.  I have known this to be a problem in my life, but you know how I said it's a battle that must be fought daily?  I must confess, there have been many days where I have chosen to surrender this battle.  Earlier this week I was reading Beth Moore's A Heart Like His, and she spoke on this very subject.  She referenced the story of David and Goliath.  A part of this story we don't focus on as much is the part where Saul mockingly prepares David for his battle by giving him his (Saul's) armor to wear.  When David puts it on, it hangs off of him.  After all, David is a small teenager and Saul is a grown man.  Of course it's not going to fit!  David tells him that he prefers to fight with just his staff and slingshot.  Beth quotes a man named Norris Smith who says that our attempt to copy somebody else is like wearing Saul's armor.  It is a miserable fit.  God has made us to be who we are, not who somebody else is, and David was confident enough to be himself in a trying situation.  I'd say it paid off!  Had he gone out there in an oversized shield and helmet, it would have been nothing but a distraction to him and would have probably cost him the battle.  This gave me such an incredible picture.  I imagined this little boy stumbling around in this huge suit of armor, or a little girl playing dress-up in her mom's high heels.  It even made me think of myself every time I try to put on qualities I was not gifted with.  The Lord quietly spoke to me in that moment and said, "How many qualities have I given you instead?  You can make any child fall in love with you.  You can lead my people in worship.  You have a heart of compassion.  You make people laugh.  Your calling is not a cookie-cutter one.  Don't try to be anyone else.  Faithfully use what I have given you."  Remember friends, you are unique.  So what if she can eat chocolate for every meal and not gain an ounce?  So what if she wakes up with perfect hair?  So what if her calling looks easy?  But when you want to surrender your daily battle, remember that you are not the only one.  I know it's hard to look at others and be content, and even happy, with what you've been given.  I'm learning to be faithful in the little things.  I'm learning to take a look around me and see all that I've been blessed with, inward and out.  Take it from the queen of comparison, it is the thief of joy. 

John 21:21-22  When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”                                   

Insert misleading controversial blog title here

I have heard many couples, specifically Christian couples, say that divorce is not an option for them.  For me, it is.  Now, before you say, "WHAT?! YOU'RE MARRIED TO A PASTOR AND YOU WOULD GET A DIVORCE?!" let me explain.  I believe in free will.  I believe that God allows sin to happen for various reasons.  I also believe that because marriage is a covenant made before God, to break that covenant would be sin.  Putting all those things together: we have the free will to commit the sin of divorce, and God may or may not allow it (let's be honest, He's God.  He could strike you with lightning before the words "I want a divorce" even come out.).  The Bible does talk about specific circumstances in which God permits divorce, such as adultery; however, I don't think there is any situation too far gone that God can't redeem and repair.  Sadly, adultery is probably not the most common reason people give for choosing divorce.  I understand that in some cases, divorce is not mutually decided.  The Bible talks about this as well and how you can't force your spouse to stay with you if he/she chooses to leave or if one spouse has a hardened heart and absolutely refuses to reconcile.  However, a lot of reasons are selfish, personal reasons.  He wasn't appreciative.  We just fell out of love.  She wasn't fun to be around anymore.  If you're married, you have most likely been hurt by your spouse at one point or another. If not, then you're probably living in some sort of fantasy land where neither of you is honest with the other.  If you're anything like me, when an argument happens (especially for the first time) you think, "This isn't what marriage is supposed to be like!"  I think the world has done an excellent job of convincing young girls that marriage is perfect.  I've even seen a quote that says "love means never having to say you're sorry."  What???  Whoever made that up was obviously single and very upset about it, or an 8th grader who just got dumped.  Friends, I believe this is the lie that causes someone to entertain the idea of divorce.  When unrealistic expectations aren't met, we want an easy out.  Unfortunately, many people enter a marriage with the mindset of "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce."  Let me be clear about something: when I say that divorce is an option for me, this is NOT what I mean.  When I married Justin, I made an unbreakable vow.  I swore to him and to God that I would never choose this "easy out".  Remember earlier when I said that I believe in free will?  That includes the free will to choose divorce, along with any other sin.  For me to say that it's not an option would be saying that I'm above that sin.  No believer is above committing any sin, but by the grace of God and the sacrifice of Jesus we have the ability to conquer any sin.  This includes divorce.  I get tired of hearing people naively say, "That could NEVER happen to us!"  Friend, that's a dangerous thing to say.  I would much rather admit that without Jesus holding our marriage together when times get rough, divorce could easily wreck us.  To me, that makes choosing to fight for our marriage all the more powerful.  So what are we supposed to do when we find ourselves in this situation?  First of all, be proactive.  Cover your marriage and your spouse in prayer before it gets to the critical point.  Second, talk to a trusted friend that has a marriage you respect.  And last but certainly not least, always be in communication with your spouse.  I have found that many disagreements can be diffused before even happening when we are honest about our feelings.

Your marriage is a gift from God, and it's worth fighting for.

  

Who says it has to be itsy bitsy?

The other day at Target, I couldn't help but notice that they already had their full swimwear stock out.  Now, maybe you've been good over the past few months, and despite being around outrageous amounts of food over the holidays, you've been content to eat salad.  Or maybe you're normal and you've packed on a few pounds.  If you fall into the first category, get out congratulations, you are stronger than the rest of us.  When I saw the vast array of swimsuits before me, I wanted to get as far away as possible.  The last thing I want to do any time soon is try and squeeze into one of those.  During my innocent-turned-dangerous perusal of the home décor section, I couldn't help but think of how my mindset on swimwear has changed over the past year.  Before getting married, I refused to wear anything but a bikini.  I felt like anything else was simply not flattering.  Someone would say one-piece and I would flash back to my awkward/chubby middle school days where all I could find were mom swimsuits with giant Hawaiian flowers on them.  Once I grew out of that stage, I wanted to wear things I never felt confident in before, hence my insistence on the bikini.  When Justin and I started dating, we somehow started a discussion about the topic.  He said something like, "I don't understand why girls would never walk around in a bra and underwear, but on the beach or at the pool they feel totally normal wearing the same amount of clothing, if not less."  I still didn't really understand.  I was convinced that it was NOT the same thing and he was being ridiculous.  He put it into perspective when he said, "If you were my wife, I wouldn't want anyone else seeing parts of you that are supposed to be for me."  Alright, makes sense.  Please hear me on this:  I'm not saying anyone who wears a bikini is a skank.  But for me personally, I choose to dress more modestly when it comes to my swimwear (and anything else, for that matter.)  My husband was honest with me, so I choose to honor that and respect him in that way.  I have no right to judge anyone who chooses otherwise.  So, that being said, I was left in a bit of conundrum...where was I supposed to find modest swimwear that didn't look like a full body suit and cost an arm and a leg?  Well ladies, the internet came to the rescue!  I have compiled a list of online stores that sell cute, modest swimwear at extremely reasonable prices!  Take a look!

1.  http://www.limericki.com/

2.  http://beverlyswimwear.com/

3.  http://downeastbasics.com/swim.aspx

4.  http://www.divinitasole.com/

Target also had a few that were cute! 

Hope this helps and encourages!

Kristen