To the bride on her wedding day

This weekend I have the honor of standing beside one of my best friends as she marries the love of her life.  I am so excited for all the festivities leading up to the big day, but even more than that, I am thrilled for her to begin this next chapter in her life.  August 11th will mark Justin and I's two year anniversary.  It seems like just yesterday we were the ones on the stage promising ourselves to each other.  I have learned so much about what that means in these two short years, so I would love to share my heart with any bride-to-be, and if it were possible, myself two years ago.

Dear sweet bride,

The day you've been dreaming of is finally here.  Take it all in.  It will be over before you know it.  My encouragement to you is not simply for this day, but for the days to come.  I know people have probably told you that marriage is hard, and you've probably thought, Maybe for you.  We're different.  Please hear me.  They are right.  It is hard.  But an easy marriage is one in which there is little to no vulnerability.  When two people are completely open, it gets messy.  But in those messy moments, you will find that trust and respect are built.  Can I let you in on another little secret?  There will be days that you won't be happy.  There will be days when you look at your husband and wonder who this man is that you married.  You will wonder if you made a mistake.  You didn't, and neither did he.  Most importantly, neither did God.  Would you believe me if I told you that God did not join the two of you together for the sole purpose of making you happy?  His desire is to make you holy, more like Him.  For that to happen, it requires you to be stretched, and sometimes, dare I say, unhappy.  But there is always joy.  Joy does not rely on circumstances or feelings.  On those days when you find you are incapable of feeling love for your husband, hold on to this joy.  It will get better.  As for the expectations you have going into this lifelong commitment, let them go. Or at least talk about them.  Let no expectation go unspoken.  Unspoken expectations almost always turn into broken expectations, and if you're anything like me, cause feelings of he should have just known.  A silent resentment will set in, and it will destroy you.  Don't let it.  Hold on to joy.  And always encourage.  Never let a day go by without speaking an encouraging word.  I know I have so much more to learn, and so will you.  Today, sweet bride, you are beautiful.  Your marriage is being prayed for.  Give thanks today and every day for the man waiting for you at the end of the aisle.  He is a gift.  Treat him as such.

Your friend,
Kristen

What you really need for college...and what you really don't

It's almost that time of year again.  The time of year where you can't go to Target without seeing at least a few overly excited recent grads and their moms walking around with a cart filled with bathmats and organizational supplies.  Six years ago (SIX?!) that was me.  I probably went to the Bed Bath & Beyond website multiple times a day to scroll through the endless assortment of bedding and shower curtains, not to mention the convenient list they provide you to tell you all the things you really need.  Well friends, if you are that recent grad who is about to go shopping with your mom and attempt to check off all the items on the BB&B checklist, just hold your horses until you check out my list.  I know six years sounds like a long time to speak to what you really need (or not) in college, but trust me, I remember all too well.  With that being said, I have compiled a list of the must-haves and the extremely overrated items. These aren't the obvious items like towels and sheets, but stuff that I either had to go out later and buy at the most inconvenient times or things I didn't ever use.  Share this with a friend, and neither of you will be sorry.

Must-haves

-First aid stuff.  I'm talking Bandaids, Thermometer, Ibuprofen, and even Imodium.  Trust me...when you need it is not when you will want to have to go out and get it.
-Small tool kit.  Something random will break and you will need a screwdriver.
-Mini sewing kit.  I found some at Dollar Tree.  It will save your life when a button falls off.
-Extra pillow.  You never know when a friend will get locked out at night (obviously because their roommate is studying so hard and needs privacy) and need to spend the night at your place.
-Power strips with multiple outlets
-USB stick/flash drive.  If you ever use a computer lab on campus, these will be your best friend. 
-Random bathroom stuff that your mom always had around: Q-tips, cotton balls, etc.
-Batteries.  Again, you will always need some at the most inconvenient time.
-Lightbulbs
-Umbrella
-Simple cleaning supplies.  Things like a broom and Clorox wipes come in really handy.

Totally unnecessary

-Blender.  I can not tell you how unnecessary this is.  You will have nowhere to wash it, unless you want smoothie chunks clogging up your bathroom sink.
-Ironing board.  An iron might be useful, but I would check your dorm's laundry room before buying one.  An ironing board, on the other hand, is pointless regardless.  Just lay a towel down on your desk and you're good to go.
-Too many organizational supplies.  I know the fabric bins from Target are too cute to pass up, but you maybe need 2 large ones and 2 small ones.  I would say wait until you unpack and can't find a place for things, and then go get more as you see the need for them.
-A notebook for every class.  Evaluate the professor.  Some of them read the notes straight from their PowerPoint, which sometimes you can print from their website.
-The textbook for every class.  Again, wait until after the first class to see if you actually need it.  Usually they tell you if you need it or not, or at least what they primarily test over.  After that, DO NOT...I REPEAT...DO NOT BUY YOUR BOOKS ON CAMPUS!!!!! You can find almost all of them on Amazon for a fraction of the price.  One more thing: don't bring your books to class.  It will scream "I'm a freshman!"
-An excessive amount of towels.


I hope this helps!  I'm sure there are more things I'm forgetting on both lists, but if I think of anything, I'll revise. 

House tour- Part 1

I realized a lot of people asked me a looooong time ago to post pictures of our house once we got it all put together.  That obviously never happened, so I apologize.  For those of you who have been eagerly awaiting, welcome to our home...kind of.  This is just the living room, but I will post other rooms sooner or later, and by that I mean whenever I decide to clean.

Perfection is exhausting

The past month has been absolutely crazy.  We took our youth to camp the last week of June, and just got back yesterday from a World Changers mission trip to Philadelphia.  Both were incredible.  Before I continue to share about these experiences, I must rewind.  Months 1-10 of living in Virginia were incredibly difficult.  To be completely honest, nothing in me wanted to be here.  I was resistant to get to know many people because as far back as I can remember, I've avoided vulnerability.  I like to take my time testing the waters.  Are you trustworthy or are you going to stab me in the back?  Are you going to take what I tell you and use it against me?  If you get to know the real me, will you decide I'm not so great after all?  Once I determine the answers to these questions, I can move forward.  Moving to a new place presents all kinds of problems, especially for a self-conscious introvert.  On top of the struggles already in place just because of my personality, I have found myself maneuvering around the politics of feeling like because I'm a pastor's wife, I'm not allowed to have struggles or baggage, or even be honest about how I'm feeling.  No one has told me this, but I feel an expectation placed on me to be perfect.  Unfortunately, the church (not ours specifically) has become a place where vulnerability is not encouraged, and because of that, I found myself remaining silent around the girls in the youth group who deserve my honesty.  Over the past month, I have felt God working on my heart to break down the walls I had built up to the people here.  This past week especially, I made it my goal to start sharing my heart with the girls.  By the end of the week, I was able to share things with them that a year ago I swore I would never be able to share.  I was told things I NEVER thought I would hear from them.  Things like: "You are one of the coolest people I've ever met" and "When you talk to us, it's like how a 7th grader feels when a senior talks to them".  Like.....WHAT?! ME?????  I was blown away, and partly ashamed that it took me so long to let myself open up.  I'm so thankful for God's unending faithfulness and for being patient with me.  So many things are coming up that I'm beyond excited about being a part of, and cannot be done without honesty and vulnerability on my part.  Pretending to be perfect and trying to impress people is exhausting, and can only be done from far away.  It's taken way too long, but now I'd rather be a real person who is able to make an impact from close up and let people see my messy, imperfect life.

"We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us."  1 Thess. 2:8

With Jesus in your boat

Justin and I are currently reading through Matthew.  The other day we read chapter 8, where Jesus calms the storm after being so rudely awoken by his frantic disciples.  I've probably heard and/or read this story 30 times, but for some reason this time it was different.  Just in summary, what happens is Jesus and his disciples are out on a boat and it starts storming.  Apparently it's bad enough that they all freak out and think they're going to die.  Let's be honest, it was a bunch of men.  It was probably drizzling.  So Jesus, being the chill bro that he is, decided this was a good time to take a nap.  His disciples were pretty confused as to why he was sleeping in the midst of a torrential downpour, so they woke him up.  What's funny to me about this scenario is that the disciples probably thought they were doing him a favor by informing him that they were in grave danger.  They also probably expected him to wake up startled and say something like, "We gotta get out of here!" or just pray about it.  I think they lost sight of who was actually in their boat.  Instead, he wakes up and says, "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"  Basically..."Chill out, bros.  I've got this."  I've always heard the sermon illustration that life is full of storms, but when we have Jesus, we have all we need to make it through.  It makes me think of a song I sang in VBS or Sunday School that says "with Jesus in your boat, you can smile in the storm".  Am I the only one who doesn't always find this comforting?  I know life would be absolutely hopeless without Jesus, but sometimes I don't feel like smiling in the storm no matter who is in my boat.  I guarantee that the disciples weren't smiling in that storm, and they literally had Jesus in their boat!  There are so many times that I freak out in what I feel like is a life-altering storm or even in the equivalent of a light drizzle.  Sometimes I can totally relate to the disciples in that I want to shake Jesus and wake him up and wonder why he's napping on the job.  But here's the thing that I need to constantly be reminded of:  even in times where he feels distant, he is not oblivious.  He woke up and was not caught off guard.  He knew exactly what was going on.  He responded to the disciples' fear by rebuking the wind and waves and they immediately obeyed him and the sea was calm.  There are times where I have seen him come to my rescue and be my immediate comfort.  Other times I, like the disciples, have had to acknowledge my need of him before he has shown his hand at work in the situation.  Sometimes I think I can handle everything on my own, but that always proves untrue.  I end up overwhelmed and begging him to help me.  He says the same thing to me as he did to his disciples: "Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"  He rebukes my wind and waves and comforts me and reminds me who he is.  Friend, don't ever forget who is in your boat.           

#Blessed

Within the past few weeks I've seen multiple friends post a link to an article titled "The One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying".  Naturally, that caught my attention.  I was expecting this one thing to be something like "I'm bored with my church" or "I need a spouse to be happy".  To my surprise, it was the phrase "I'm blessed".  Here's the original article, although the author admitted to editing out some controversial phrases that bothered me in the first place.  If you don't feel like reading it, this post probably won't make as much sense, but to summarize, the writer states that it is wrong to call ourselves blessed if we have wealth.  He also does not agree with calling anything monetary or materialistic, such as business success, a blessing.  On the surface of his article, it's really not all that offensive, although something about it just didn't sit well with me.  I proceeded to read through the comments section to see how he replied to any questions and came across a few of his comments that, quite frankly, are just not theologically sound.  Reading this article has, if anything, encouraged me to do my own research from the Bible, the source I trust above what anyone else says.  My point is not to argue against the writer of this article, but to share what I learned through this experience.  I wanted to learn more about why, how, who, and with what God blesses.  Here is what I found.

1.  Blessings can be tangible and intangible.

     Tangible blessings are just that, tangible.  Look around you.  Do you have a car to get you to work?  Are you able to pay for college?  Do you have a family?  These are tangible blessings.  In being grateful for these things, we must be very careful.  Though these may be things that God gives us to remind us of His love, they should never be the end goal.  God himself is the ultimate blessing, not simply the giver.  The Bible shows us in the story of Job that although he lost everything, he remained faithful to God, and "the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys" (Job 42:12).  Intangible blessings are described in the Bible in situations like Isaac and Jacob.  In Genesis 27, Isaac speaks a blessing over his son, Jacob (thinking it was actually Esau, Jacob's brother, but it was a blessing nonetheless).  This ritual was so sacred that it was reserved for the firstborn.  Speaking a blessing was a way of wishing God's favor on someone, or God's way of showing that He is pleased.  In Genesis 9, it says, "And God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth."" Nowadays, we can intangibly bless someone by speaking an encouraging word to them or praying over them.

 

2.  The word "blessing" in the Bible has a few different connotations.

      In Matthew 5, Jesus preaches the often-quoted Sermon on the Mount.  He starts the entire sermon by using the word "blessed".  But you know what's funny?  When writing this account, both Matthew and Luke chose the Greek word makarios.  Makarios basically means "fortunate" or "happy" and was used to describe the blissful state of the gods in Greek literature.  The word we typically would have used would be eulogia, which was usually used when invoking God's blessing on someone or to bless God himself.  Basically Jesus was telling this crowd to feel lucky that they were poor, hungry, and mourning.  I can just imagine their reaction.  "What?  Thanks for the advice, Jesus, but that doesn't help me!"  We have the tendency to equate wealth, and only wealth, with blessing.  But that's not necessarily true.  God allows some people to experience extreme amounts of wealth, but I don't think that how "blessed" they are should in any way be compared to the person who is living in a tent downtown.  The writer of the aforementioned article argues that calling wealth or anything of monetary value a blessing is wrong because that means God is cursing those who don't have wealth.  While I do believe wealth can be God's way of blessing someone, that's not to say that His withholding wealth from someone else is His way of cursing them.  The two don't have to be mutually exclusive.  What Jesus is saying is that the true meaning of being blessed- fortunate, happy, lucky, whatever- is to know that in spite of all the things you're going through, you get Him.  

 

3.  God's blessings have a purpose

     There are instances in the Bible where God gave blessings because of someone's faithfulness.  In Deuteronomy 28 it says, “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.  And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God."  It goes on to say in what ways the Lord would bless the people.  I think the argument a lot of people have here is, "So am I suffering because I'm not being faithful enough?"  That's not for me or anyone else to decide.  Again, blessing does not always equal wealth and success.  We think that if we don't have an exploding bank account, that God isn't blessing us enough.  God expects us to use WHATEVER He has given us for His glory.  Sure, for some people that may be a lot of money, and if that is your number one goal in life, no wonder He hasn't chosen to let you have it.  There are also instances where God gave blessings to show off  and remind us of HIS faithfulness.  Have you ever wondered how you were going to buy groceries for the month and a random check came in the mail?  That's what I'm talking about.  The whole process of delivering the Israelites out of Egypt was one full of doubt on the part of the people, but God remained faithful.  In Deuteronomy 15 it says, "You shall furnish him liberally out of your flock, out of your threshing floor, and out of your winepress. As the Lord your God has blessed you, you shall give to him.  You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God redeemed you; therefore I command you this today."  God has a purpose.  If you have been blessed with anything, be it money, a house, a family, or any abilities whatsoever, they are for the purpose of making Him more famous.  He commanded His people to remember where they came from and to use their blessings to bless others.  Anything He gives us should never really be about us.

 

There's so much more I could say, but this is getting pretty lengthy.  If you have any specific questions or comments I'd love to hear them and do my best to answer anything.  I'm obviously not an expert, but if there's any confusion on what I've said, I'll do my best to clear that up.  Again, I'd encourage you to read the original article and do your own research.  If anything, this has taught me to not just believe anything that claims to be written from a Christian perspective.  Thanks for reading and sticking with me!

Kristen      

The thief of joy

Today at the gym (I wish I could start more sentences that way) I kept finding myself looking over at the numbers on the treadmill next to me.  While I was huffing and puffing during what was a quick jog at best, the girl next to me was making her run look too easy.  How have we been on here the same amount of time, but I've only gone 1 mile and she's gone 3?!  I wondered, in my head of course.  These kinds of thoughts cross my mind far too often, and not only when I get stuck next to Ms. Olympiad at the gym.  I look at the lives of friends, and even people I don't know that well, and wonder what I'm doing wrong.  I didn't realize the impact this habit would have on my life until I moved to Virginia.  Upon moving, it hit me that I had never been in a situation where I literally knew no one.  I went to the same school 1st grade through 12th grade.  Even going off to college my best friend and a few other "friends" were there, too.  I made a few new friends whom I still love dearly, but for the most part I was pretty content just having casual acquaintances from school and work.  Moving to Gonzales was easier than I expected.  Justin had already been there for 2 years, so everyone loved him (from what I could tell) so they were ready to lovingly welcome me as well.  This experience has been in a completely different ballpark.  I have learned some very negative things about myself through it, or at least they have become magnified, at times even to the point where I have questioned my call to ministry.  So with the spotlight on these qualities, queue the comparison game.  Why can she walk into a room and charm everybody in there within minutes?  Why am I not good at praying out loud?  How come I can't think of encouraging words that quickly?  Why did I have to move 1500 miles away from my family and she didn't?  These are the things, among many others, that run through my head when I look at the lives of others with similar callings.  Call me crazy, but I don't think comparison is limited to ministers' wives comparing themselves to each other.  It's a problem that must be fought daily.  It is linked to envy.  We look at something someone else has and not only want it, but wonder why it wasn't ours to begin with.  I'm talking about anything from the number of likes on Instagram to someone else's thigh gap, both of which I'm guilty of envying.  I have known this to be a problem in my life, but you know how I said it's a battle that must be fought daily?  I must confess, there have been many days where I have chosen to surrender this battle.  Earlier this week I was reading Beth Moore's A Heart Like His, and she spoke on this very subject.  She referenced the story of David and Goliath.  A part of this story we don't focus on as much is the part where Saul mockingly prepares David for his battle by giving him his (Saul's) armor to wear.  When David puts it on, it hangs off of him.  After all, David is a small teenager and Saul is a grown man.  Of course it's not going to fit!  David tells him that he prefers to fight with just his staff and slingshot.  Beth quotes a man named Norris Smith who says that our attempt to copy somebody else is like wearing Saul's armor.  It is a miserable fit.  God has made us to be who we are, not who somebody else is, and David was confident enough to be himself in a trying situation.  I'd say it paid off!  Had he gone out there in an oversized shield and helmet, it would have been nothing but a distraction to him and would have probably cost him the battle.  This gave me such an incredible picture.  I imagined this little boy stumbling around in this huge suit of armor, or a little girl playing dress-up in her mom's high heels.  It even made me think of myself every time I try to put on qualities I was not gifted with.  The Lord quietly spoke to me in that moment and said, "How many qualities have I given you instead?  You can make any child fall in love with you.  You can lead my people in worship.  You have a heart of compassion.  You make people laugh.  Your calling is not a cookie-cutter one.  Don't try to be anyone else.  Faithfully use what I have given you."  Remember friends, you are unique.  So what if she can eat chocolate for every meal and not gain an ounce?  So what if she wakes up with perfect hair?  So what if her calling looks easy?  But when you want to surrender your daily battle, remember that you are not the only one.  I know it's hard to look at others and be content, and even happy, with what you've been given.  I'm learning to be faithful in the little things.  I'm learning to take a look around me and see all that I've been blessed with, inward and out.  Take it from the queen of comparison, it is the thief of joy. 

John 21:21-22  When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”