Feelings

KK

Feelings are interesting things.  I have yet to meet someone who can control what they feel.  Sure, we may deny or suppress them, but we can't keep them from happening.  Some people have more or less than others, but regardless, they exist.  At the same time you can't hold feelings at bay, you can't force them to show up when you want them.  It's happened in many a movie, where there's nothing "wrong" with the guy, she just doesn't feel anything for him.  I think the same can be said in our (or at least my) relationship with God.  We go through seasons in which we may be totally excited to spend time in prayer and reading the Bible for a little while, and then for one reason or another, the excitement dwindles.  I've gone through both seasons, and if I'm being honest, I'd have to say that I'm currently in the latter.  I'm in a season where spending time with God for prolonged periods of time is an obligation more than anything.  I don't find the same joy in following him like I used to.  I was talking to a friend the other day who said she's struggling with the same thing, and was sharing her frustration with me.  We both know the goal. We know how we are SUPPOSED to feel.  But we don't.  There's no switch that can be flipped on to make everything exciting again.  I know I can't control my feelings, but He can.  My problem isn't my lack of feeling, it's my lack of prayer.  I have yet to ask Him to make me excited again.  (I'm sure some of you are gasping and judging at that...so be it). See, girls have this problem with wanting to be in a bad mood sometimes.  Don't try and talk us out of it, gentlemen.  It will blow over, but for some reason we savor it while it lasts.  But whatever storm I'm in started to clear up this morning.  This morning at the gym I decided to pray something simple.  

"I know I've been avoiding you and not dealing with things I need to.  I need to be reminded that you want to be around me."  

I switched my Pandora station and the first song that played was "My Dear" by Bethel.  If you aren't familiar with that song, here it is: 

My Dear

The lyrics quote Song of Solomon, which, in short, says he is totally blown away by this girl.  It also just simply says "I love you, my dear."  That's what Justin calls me.  He came to me in my moment of doubt and spoke to me using words already so personal to my heart.  Friends, we serve a personal God.  One who loves us and pursues us in our darkest and loneliest moments.  He reminded me that He will always fight for my affection, but will never force it.  

We can't change how we feel, but He can.

Update

KK

I know it's been awhile since either one of us have written about what's going on in our lives, so for that, I apologize.  We haven't necessarily been too busy to write, but every time I've gone to write something, it has sounded more like an "I miss Texas" post than a "here's what's new in Virginia" post.  So here is (hopefully) my final attempt at updating you on the past 3 months.

The first thing I did when we moved in was decorate.  I can't stand living in a house that doesn't look like it's, well, lived in.  That took me less than a month, which has surprised many people.  For some reason, I think people feel the need to ask how we're getting "settled in". I think they expect our house to be full of unopened boxes and a freezer full of TV dinners. I have made a note to never use that term when welcoming anyone new to town.  

We went and got our new licenses shortly after moving.  The DMV was delightful as usual, full of people wanting to renew their vanity plates (which apparently are super popular here) and a mom loudly reprimanding her son for leaving his seat to go to the water fountain.  We also were unaware that showing teeth in your picture is not allowed, so we both ended up with pictures that make us look like super creeps.  Side note about vanity plates:  we have seen some great ones, including ITS PAPA, ENJOYN ME, L8 MOMMY, and UR SLOW.  I'm thinking about getting one that says KKK4LYFE (in case you didn't know, those are my unfortunate initials). 

I was able to coach volleyball at a private school in town, and even though our season was less than extraordinary, I loved it.  I've also been able to do photography on a more professional level.  Both of these things have been goals of mine for quite some time now, and I'm super excited that I've gotten these opportunities!  

Justin is right in the middle of planning for D-Now in January, as well as camp and our mission trip to Philadelphia in July.  That's keeping him pretty busy.  We've joined a weekly home group, which has been nice to get to hang out with other couples and do a Bible study together.  

My parents came to visit in the beginning of October, and my sister will be here on Tuesday and stay through Friday.  We are also really looking forward to coming home for Christmas for a week, when we can reunite with family, friends, and Whataburger.  

Thanks for reading.  Have a great Thanksgiving break!

Wedding Bells

KK

I have quite a few friends who have either just recently gotten engaged or married, so the process of wedding planning has been fresh on my mind.  Having not too long ago planned my own wedding, I know all too well the stress that comes with it, not to mention the idea overload that comes from a shameful (or not) Pinterest binge.  As I was often reminded by my well-meaning mother: "There's just a lot to think about!"  There's the cake, dress, flowers, music, food, decorations, and trying to figure out which random fringe friends and/or family members get the boot.  Quite frankly, it can be exhausting.  Thinking back to our wedding, I honestly wouldn't change a thing.  Not to brag (or maybe I am..what of it?) but I have had many people tell me they had more fun at our wedding than any other they've been to.  I may be biased, but I'd have to agree as well.  I highly doubt any of it had to do with the cake (although it was amazing! Even after being frozen a year!), my dress, the decorations, or anything else that I spent so much time caring too much about.  I believe it had everything to do with the people that were there and the joy that everyone had.  Like I said, seeing so many people get engaged or married recently, I've been thinking about what advice I would give to any bride-to-be.  Take it or leave it.

1.  The dress

 

Now ladies, don't think I'm here to downplay the importance of the perfect dress. But let's be honest, this is the dress that your grandchildren will look at pictures of you wearing and think, "Grandma...what were you thinking?!"  I completely understand that doesn't change the fact that you should feel beautiful and confident in it.  You should feel more beautiful on your wedding day than on any other day in your life.  However, thanks to shows such as Say Yes to the Dress, I think there is wayyyy too much emphasis placed on this part of the wedding.  Let me say though, that out of the planning categories, I do think that the dress is one of the more important ones.  Simply because, like I said, if you feel beautiful and confident in it, that will set the tone for how you enjoy your big day.  One thing I will say about choosing your dress: you pick the one YOU love, not one you feel pressured to buy to appease anyone else.

2.  Registry

Can I be honest? Nothing irritates me more than when I see a registry list for a bride and it says something like, "The happy couple is registered at Pottery Barn, Williams Sonoma, West Elm, and Anthropologie".  I guarantee you none of those places were homeboy's suggestions. And I hope they invited some rich relatives, otherwise they probably won't be getting too many gifts.  Sweetheart, we all want designer kitchenware, but get off your high horse and register at good 'ol Target as well.  Give your guests some options as far as price goes.  Some may be traveling quite a ways to be a part of your big day, so do what you can to be nice to their wallets. 

3.  Decorations

Want a tip on saving money? Forget the flowers.  I had none at our reception and I'm pretty sure no one complained about it.  And if anyone did, I doubt they even remember now whether I even had flowers or not, and if they do and still bring it up as dinner conversation, then it's clearly no longer me with the issues.  I learned quickly that in order to save money, no one is too fancy for fake flowers where flowers are needed. With the exception of bouquets and boutonnieres, we had fake flowers as decoration at the ceremony.  I guarantee you, no one will care.  

I'm running out of ideas.  Maybe there will be a part 2. Who knows.  But all this to say: please ladies, put more emphasis on preparing for your marriage than for your wedding.  That's what is important in the long run.  You can care more about impressing a lot of people with your grand and extravagant wedding, or about impacting a lot of people with a marriage that starts with you preparing your heart months in advance.  You decide.  

The seemingly unattainable pursuit

KK

I've recently been reading a book called "Pursuit of Proverbs 31" and so far I enjoy it.  It has prompted me to do my own further study of what it looks like to emulate this woman that has intimidated me ever since I learned about her in middle school.  For years, any time I heard a sermon on what it means to be the Proverbs 31 woman, I have rolled my eyes (on the inside), knowing that there's no way anyone can actually live up to her status.  The girl makes her family's clothes and bedding (not to mention the clothes she makes to sell), wakes up before dawn to make breakfast, serves the poor, is business savvy, all while still finding time to work out and get a few laughs in. Understand my frustration? I'm not sure I know anyone who does all these things every single day.  If so, she probably has a stunt double.  If you're anything like me, you read this chapter and feel like you're doing something wrong.  Through reading "Pursuit of Proverbs 31" and in my own personal study, there are a few things I have learned that helped to relieve me of this frustration.

1.  The P31 woman is not even a real person 

     

I'm not sure if I missed this memo in the hundreds of sermons I've heard about her, or if this is the first time I've ever actually read this, but regardless, this was mind-blowing to me.  I've grown up thinking that there was this girl who was so awesome that God chose to make an example of her in the Bible of what the perfect wife looked like.  Looking back, and now being married, I should have known that there is no such thing as the perfect wife.  In biblical times, Proverbs 31:10-31 was a common poem recited to young boys by their mothers to help them recognize desirable qualities in a wife.  Nowhere does it say that if you don't do all of them every day that you are a bad wife.  How relieving! For years I, along with countless other young women, have been stressing about having no idea how to buy and sell real estate or sew my own comforter!  If you don't feel like you live up to this persona, don't stress.  These verses are simply words from the heart of a mother to her son.

2.  The root of her "perfection"

I don't think it's possible for every woman to be strong in every one of the categories P31 discusses.  That's what makes us all different and unique.  However, there are some verses I feel that we should all be striving towards.  For example, verse 24 says "She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant"(Proverbs 31:24 ESV).  I don't think it's essential for every woman to be a seamstress.  But verse 26 says "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. (Proverbs 31:26 ESV).  While sewing may not be a necessary quality to honor God and your husband, speaking with wisdom and kindness certainly is.  I think most of these verses are taken too literally or out of context.  In verse 17, it says that she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Does that mean that the perfect wife must work out every day? I hope not..  But I do think it means that in order to honor God and your husband, it is important to take care of your body (God's temple) and stay healthy.  A few other verses I think are vital to being a God-honoring wife are 11 and 12 which say "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:11, 12 ESV). But I believe above all these qualities, what makes this girl so desirable is her devotion to honoring God.  Verse 30 is one we have seen plastered on bumper stickers, t-shirts, bookmarks, etc. but it is probably the most important quality we should be striving for.  It says "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30 ESV). There's no way any one woman can succeed at every single one of these qualities every day, but if we make it a priority to honor The Lord above every task we have throughout the day, I believe He will bless that.  Because the P31 woman puts God first in her life, we see that she is blessed in her tasks being successful.

I hope this has been encouraging to you.  I know I have been encouraged through this study, having been relieved of so much pressure put on me by my own pursuit of unattainable perfection. 

I'm not finished with the book yet, so I'm sure there's much more to learn.  But for now, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this! Thanks for reading!

Kristen

New adventures

New adventures

As many of you already know, Justin and I will be moving to Virginia in August.  He has been hired as the youth pastor at a church in a suburb of D.C.  Even just saying those words still doesn't feel real.  Many emotions (at least on my end) have come from the process of making this decision, and I just wanted to take an opportunity to be honest and share them with you.  Prior to March 2013, living anywhere other than Texas seemed like something I would be okay with for maybe a year max, just to say we did it.  That began to change when we went to visit friends in Georgia over spring break.  Over the course of our stay, my mindset of "Texas is the greatest place ever!" began to turn into "I could do this!"  At the airport waiting for our flight home, we began talking about the potential for moving out of state.  Flashback:  About a month or so before that, Justin had received requests from 3 different churches in Texas to apply to be their youth pastor.  We weren't sure what that meant, but decided to follow these leads, trusting God to shut any doors he didn't want us going through.  Fast forward back to the airport.  We remembered a church in Virginia that had found him last summer before we got married.  We had gone pretty far in the process but ultimately we knew it wasn't God's timing and decided to call it off.  Skeptically, I suggested contacting them again and seeing if they were still searching.  Turns out they had been looking ever since talking to them last year, and were very excited that Justin was contacting them again.  They offered to pick up the process where they left off last year.  A few Skype interviews later, we found ourselves on a flight to Virginia to visit.  At that point it still didn't feel real.  Things went well and we were invited back for a second visit and a congregational vote. Still, not happening. On July 1st, while preparing to leave for Spain, Justin tells me we're in. We're moving. I was excited, but at the same time, terrified. We came up with the word excerrified.  Here's where I share my emotions, so if all you wanted was the story, feel free to stop reading.  There were many points during this process where my fear told me this was not what God wanted.  What about my friends? What about my family? No God. I'm not leaving them.  There were many times where I found myself pushing away his hand of comfort in order to justify my feelings of doubt.  I didn't want to be comforted. I wanted to stay. My biggest fear was and still is missing out on the lives of the people I care about.  Missing weddings, graduations, birthdays, and family reunions, all because we are too far away and can't afford the plane ride back every time.  Although I knew deep down this was what God was calling us to do, I couldn't help but be angry about it.  I have learned that "where You go, we will follow" is easier said than done, especially when it's referring to picking up your entire life and starting over with no timeframe or clue how long He wants you there.  However, He is still good, and it's not about me.  He has provided a job for me, the potential for new friends, more opportunities for ministry, and Target (why am I complaining..). Over the past few days of filling boxes, meeting with moving companies, and making tough announcements to church families, I have seen his hand moving.  He is softening my heart to focus on the ways that I can be joyful there.  I will miss everything about my home state, but I am putting my trust in Him to someday make Virginia feel like home.  

Girls Bible study

KK

For about a month now I have been leading a girls Bible study in our home.  During this hour or so every Monday night, my dear husband has to find a place to relocate so as to not interfere with our deep conversations about nail polish and tampons.  I'm sure he doesn't mind.  It has been such an incredible growing experience  for me since it requires me to put in extra time going deeper in the Word and continuing to practice leading discussion.  We have been going through a study by Kelly Minter called Nehemiah: A Heart That Can Break.  When I first read Nehemiah on my own, I didn't get anywhere near all of the things out of it that she discusses! I love it! It talks about how Nehemiah's heart breaks for the devastation of his city and people and it drives him to action.  It especially stirs my heart because of the recent devastation so close to home.  When we first meet Nehemiah, he is governor living in a Persian palace.  Because of his position, he is rightfully entitled to all the luxuries that go along with it.  He could so easily have just donated money for other people to do the work, but instead, he has compassion on his people and goes to work re-building the wall himself with the help of others.  Throughout this study, there are many things I have learned.  I'll share a few of them with you!

1.  We need to pray for a compassionate heart.

     Jesus did not live life on earth simply praying for others and donating money.  He chose to associate himself with those that others deemed unlovely.  I understand that not everyone is called to live in another country, but we are all called to love others and place their needs above our own.  That may mean serving across the world, but for many of us that could mean cooking dinner for a family that struggles to buy food, sitting by the "weird" kid in the cafeteria, or just simply doing simple acts of kindness for those we see every day.  A good quote Kelly said is that there is a huge difference between giving to the poor and identifying with them.

2.  Being in the will of God can be scary and uncomfortable.

       There were multiple times where people told Nehemiah that what he was doing was crazy and there was no need to rebuild Jerusalem.  He could have agreed and gone back to his cushy lifestyle in his palace, but he kept his heart and mind on what God has called him to do.  This reminded me that God may call us to do something that doesn't make sense to the rest of the world, but there is no reason not to trust him.  He always sees the bigger picture.

3.  Rebuilding is much harder than building

       Nehemiah talks about the amount of rubble that they had to get rid of before they could build.  There even comes a point where he confesses that their strength was giving out because there was so much rubble that they didn't feel like they could rebuild the wall.  This gave their enemies ammo to use against them.  This one particular bro named Sanballat was always giving them a hard time. Jerk.  This could have easily caused Nehemiah to give up; however, he prayed and proceeded to station guards at the points of most vulnerability.  This is such an awesome picture of how we are to live as Christ-followers! We all have areas of vulnerability that we have given into at some point.  Some of us more often than others.  These areas, or "rubble" if you will, are the things that need to be dealt with between us and God before something beautiful can be built.  That's not to say that we need to get our act together before God can use us, but it is to say that these areas in our lives that we find we can't overcome without God's help need to be confessed and held accountable for.  Through that process, He can reveal ways in which he wants to use us.  The guards that Nehemiah sets up at the vulnerable spots on the wall is a great picture of the accountability we need to set up in place in our lives.  By giving a few trusted Christian friends the permission to ask you tough questions to keep you safe is a huge part of being a Christ-follower.   We are not meant to take on our struggles alone.

These are just a few of the things that have stuck out to me as we have been going through this study.  If you are looking for a great bible study that really digs deep into the Bible, I would highly recommend this one!  

Have a great weekend!

Kristen

Rookie mistakes

KK

Long time no post!  Well, I survived my first semester as a teacher.  It has by no means been easy, and there have definitely been moments where I thought about how happy I would be if I never had to go back, but the past 4 months have taught me many things. And because I love you, dear reader, and hope that if you are a prospective teacher you don't make the same mistakes I did, I will share them with you.

1). You are not their friend.

     I have learned that there is a huge difference between being friendly to your students and being their friend. I am a self-proclaimed people pleaser.  From day one I have been so concerned with whether or not my students like me. This has earned me the title of "cool teacher" at the expense of respect.  Remember: you can always lighten up but you can never get tougher.  

2). Make friends with the office staff.  

       There will probably always be a parent/co-worker who will have something negative to say about you to the principal about the way you are doing your job.  The closer you are with the office staff, the more likely you will be defended if that does happen.  My job involves more than just teaching students.  I am also in charge of helping other teachers with technology issues.  I certainly don't know everything about computers, but I do my best, and I have a few higher-ups to help me if I get stuck.  They also help the tech's at the other 4 campuses so sometimes it takes awhile to get problems solved at my campus. Naturally that's my fault so the principal hears my name fairly often.  Point being, had I made more of an effort to make better friends with the office staff, this semester would have gone a bit smoother.

3). Establish procedures in the beginning and follow through with them.

        For some reason I thought we had to jump right into the curriculum.  I spent one day on rules and expectations.  That day ended up being pointless.  The key is to figure out what your procedures are going to be before the start of the school year.  I kind of made it up as I was going and when something didn't work, I just stopped doing it.  I guess for my first year, trial and error was really all I had to go off of, but I probably should have talked to some of the other teachers about my ideas before I ran with them.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure many more lessons will be learned (and hopefully taught) as this new semester progresses.